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Editor's note: Please note the square brackets and replace them with information appropriate to your own paper

[Whichever city your university is in] (CUP) — Student activists supporting both sides of the Israel-Palestine issue declared during a joint press conference held today at [your university] that as a result of a recent protest, the Gaza conflict, as well as the Israel-Palestine issue as a whole, has largely been resolved.

“We realized that the problem wasn’t the solutions we were proposing per se, but that we weren’t communicating them loud enough,” said Yacov Jablansky, a spokesman for a pro-Israel group.

Ahmed Jibrah, a well-known Palestinian activist, agreed.

“I just knew in my heart that if we used enough megaphones, disrupted enough traffic, waved our flags proudly enough, and looked angry enough, everything would just fall into place.”

Not all activists were always as optimistic though, but were nonetheless glad that they could finally put their skepticism to rest.

“I was worried for a while that maybe our efforts were futile,” admits one activist, “but I’m glad to see we’ve finally accomplished something.”

“I sometimes had my doubts that practicing my perfect ‘unjustified’ face in the mirror the morning before the protest and making an extra big poster would make a difference, but now I’m just glad to see that it helped.”

Meanwhile in Gaza, the Associates' Press reported that just a few minutes after the protests in [your city] ended, both Hamas and the Israeli military stunned the international community by declaring an immediate unilateral ceasefire.

“After we saw how angry everyone was on television, we immediately resolved that we would stop all combat operations,” said one Israeli military general.

“Aside from national security,” he continued, “as the military, our main goal, above all, is to try and not upset anyone.”

Hamas, in a written statement sent to news agencies via email, admitted after seeing footage of the events that they had never before witnessed as much animosity as they did between contending sides in the protest.

“We were shocked to see how angry so many people in the world were by the current conflict. We decided that the only sensible thing to do was just put down our guns along with the Israeli military and try to work it out. After all, if these protesters were telling us so vehemently to stop the fighting, they must have some sort of a tenable solution, right?”

While prominent academics studying the region, who activists say “can’t relate to the issue,” continue to insist that sustained multi-lateral negotiations involving world leaders will be necessary to maintain long-term peace, activists begged to differ.

“Those things just turn into senseless shouting matches,” says Jibrah. “What we clearly were in need of was a more constructive approach.”

However, even in face of such criticism, protesters remain proud of their accomplishment.

“Who knew that such a small, insignificant, and heavily polarized show of support halfway across the world could make a difference,” remarks Jablansky, bewildered. “I guess miracles can happen after all.”